This time last year (well maybe a little earlier, since we are now a week into January WHAT), I was making a bunch of resolutions for ways in which I thought my life and I needed to change. This time last year I was gripped in the heart of the storm; my depression and binge eating were holding on tight and I was forever making lists and notes about how I would start over. Ive kept all my notebooks and diaries from that time and its pretty gut-wrenching to remember how much I wished things were different and how much I thought that I simply wasnt trying hard enough. But what those diaries also show me is that drawing up a tonne of rules is not helpful in the slightest.
I really couldnt pinpoint what exactly made me let go of my depression and eating disorder it was a whole host of things and I dont think it could have happened any sooner. But one thing which stands out in hindsight is how things started to change once I stopped caring. I stopped writing rules and lists and pinning them on my bedroom wall, I stopped writing down everything I had eaten, I stopped caring about how much my body had changed. I simply began to accept things the way they were and everything slowly began to fall back into place without me really thinking about it.
In other words, the rules which I tried to govern my life with the structure I thought I needed was actually entirely detrimental to my mental health. So for that reason Im not setting any resolutions this year! I can certainly see why many people take the opportunity at the start of the year to turn over a new leaf and set goals to motivate themselves, but now that I am finally feeling pretty good in myself, Im content to carry on with the way things are. As soon as I tell myself that I need to accomplish something, my subconscious wont let it go until its done. This has got me pretty far in an academic and professional sense, but when those goals are to feel happier overnight or drop a dress size in two weeks, Im really just setting myself up to fail and the vicious cycle starts over again.
So right now, Im not making a big deal over the fact that its a new year. 2016 is already going to be a big year (hello graduation and grown-up job), so all I want to do right now is carry on feeling positive and content with myself. Who needs New Years Resolutions!